The Definition of Normal

What is normal? How did one word in the English language become so powerful in today's society? How did one word get so much power that this is what people aspire to be?

Every dictionary definition of normal includes similar words: usual, typical, expected, standard, and routine. The fact is, though, is that there are a million different usuals, typicals, expectations, standards, and routines differing from person to person. One person's normal can be seen as abnormal for another. Everyone is raised differently with various religions, cultures, traditions, standards, and expectations. A person's view of normalcy can also vary according to their perception and experience.

For me, there are two kinds of normal. Normal as a state of being, and normal as an adjective.

Normal: (state of being) to fit in with the group.

Normal: (adj.) the way things are taught; to be able to do something that a person tells you to do without any accommodation.

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I have grown up in one place: the San Francisco Bay Area. I have been very fortunate to be in a family who has had the ability to support me in a bunch of different ways. I had several kinds of early intervention when I was little, I had many accommodations available to me while I was in school and I had the resources to have extra teachers, tutors and therapists to help me along the way. I also had tools and aides made for me by family members. My family is high achieving, both in their academics and careers. When I think of "normal" in my family, it is of high importance that we are nice, respectful, helpful, work hard, get good grades, go to college, get a good paying job, with the ultimate goal of becoming independent.

I have become as normal as I can be in my family's eyes, learning skills and things that are often viewed as out of reach for people with disabilities like me. In many ways, I am the same as everyone else-- I am included in family activities, I was in mainstream school, I went to both college and grad school, I have a job as a teacher, and I am slowly but surely becoming independent in my own way.

On the other hand, I was different and will always be. I know that I am different because I am stared at, I have special tools that help me with some tasks, I was in special classes in school, I previously had to wear special foot and hand braces daily, I have more doctors than anyone else in my family, and I used to have weekly physical therapy and occupational therapy which none of my friends had. I have come to realize that I am a different person walking the "normal" person's path in my own unique way. While I have often tried to hide my differences, in the end, they often become visible or apparent even if there is a delay. Every thing that I am involved in, in some way or another, makes me stand out. I can't hide, even if I want to. I am neither 100% normal in the environment I've grown up in nor would I be 100% normal if I were in a crowd of others with disabilities.

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There's a certain joy in feeling different. You're unique and can share your individual experiences with others. You see life in a different way than everyone else. You have different problems to solve, different hurdles to overcome. On the other hand, when you grow up as the only one with a specific disability in your environment and can't change, it can sometimes become lonely and confusing. I have found that, ever since I was little, I use "normal" as a word to describe what I wish I could be.

It has taken me a long time to figure out who I identify with and where I fit in. In many ways, I am more normal than abnormal and, in many ways, I can do more things than I can not. Even though I can do more than I can not, I will never view myself as being normal. I may look and sound normal at first glance and from far away, but the path I have been on, and will continue to be on, to accomplish a lot of the same things as others around me have has not been.

What does normal mean to you?