Why Hide?

Each of us are born with unique traits and characteristics. We are all raised differently, have different views of good and bad, appropriate and inappropriate, right and wrong, normal and not normal. When we walk into a room with others, there are certain parts of each of us that show and not show, are accepted and are not accepted, where the not accepted part often stays behind the curtain. We all have something that we don't express, show, or reveal in every environment we encounter. The more we hide, the more we become not ourselves.

I have a disability, that's a fact. There is no question about that. The question, however, is, how much do I show? How much do I tell? When?

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When I think of the word "disability," I rarely think of it positively. As a society, we view people with disabilities as strangers that we are not always willing to get to know. There are some people with disabilities that we are put off by, and some people with disabilities that look or sound different. Everyone's first reaction is to stare. Rarely do I find anyone that is curious about my differences and wants to asks questions before staring.

I have a physical disability, but have have the means to hide it. I can wear clothes that make my uneven body less visible. I can avoid doing activities that would put my disability in the forefront. I can avoid talking about my disability with people I know I don't need to share it with. I can take my prescription medications away from people who I don't want to see. I purposely crop or hide my hand in pictures.

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Hiding takes effort. The question is for me then, "Is it worth it?" Hiding can make me safe, but it can also make me unsafe, it can help the situation or be unhelpful to the situation. Hiding can also bury me in a hole that can get progressively harder and harder to climb out of as time goes on. Most of the time for me, it's the last one.

The plus side of hiding my disability is I am getting to know someone and they're getting to know me as a "normal" person. There's no pre judgement based on my appearance. The other person is getting to know me as a person, not a person with a disability.

The minus side, however, is that in a sense, I am lying. I'm not my true self, I am picking and choosing what and what not to show and tell. I have to think about it a lot more. I am not relaxed, but instead I am tense and sometimes worried and scared. Unfortunately, I have learned that it can easily kick me in the butt if I'm not careful.

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In order to feel like we don't have to hide something, we have to accept it. 61 million adults, or one in four adults live with a disability in the United States. I believe, however, that we are still not comfortable with using the word "disability." When I reveal that I am disabled, people often want assurance that everything is ok, not only for me, but also for them. Having a disability means that something is wrong. Whether it only effects me, or if it effects how others act around me is the question.

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The opposite of hiding is to be transparent. To be authentic and accept that almost everyone in this world has flaws and insecurities. We ourselves need to accept it, but also people around us need to accept it.